translation: Mirage of Blaze Vol. 20, chapter 1, latter half
Well, I'm not sure if I could have made this take much longer. Oops. But anyway, at long last, here's the rest of the chapter. Any disclaimers you can think of regarding dodgy translation quality apply (read: I took Japanese all through college, but the kind of grammar I learned there has better prepared me to order from restaurants and buy train tickets and introduce myself than to translate novels.)

At any rate, enjoy.

P.S., many thanks to quaint_twilight for translating the rest of this book into English so y'all didn't have to wait on my lazy ass. :) I may move to something in slightly less demand now.

Mirage of Blaze #20: Embrace the Cross and Sleep, Chapter 1 (second half)
by Kuwabara Mizuna, translation from Japanese to English by jieshan


If something happened, speak reservedly.

Because I'm taking part in a consultation.

Madoka had said so when they'd parted. It seemed that Miya with her false bravado would be worried until the end. But Miya had decided not to show a gloomy face. She was obstinate. As soon as she'd seen Madoka's bus off at the terminal with a smile she let out a sigh, quickly dropped her shoulders, and trudgingly made her way home.

(It's not like that, Madoka.)

What sort of expression would it be good to make? When she said her brother's situation was strange, she meant that he was working, but that she had no news of his living circumstances. In reality the thing that had made Miya uncomfortable didn't exist.

Because it was a Saturday evening, there was still a lot of pedestrian traffic on the street in front of the station. Miya looked at the weather forecast on the lighted signboard, and before she even noticed it, her feet were heading toward the station.

Matsumoto Station was crowded. The line for the taxi stand was long too, and one after another the waiting cars pulled in and picked up customers. Miya went up the stairs. When she came to the area just outside the ticket gates, all she could see were the passengers from the currently arriving train, who were exiting in swarms. Many of them were students. The Shinonoi Line arriving from Nagano, wasn't it? She waited for the stampede to subside, then approached the ticket gates.

The arrival and departure information said it was a limited express train bound for Shinjuku.

Suddenly, she began to have a strange feeling.

(If I ride that, I can go to Tokyo.)

Unconsciously she opened her wallet and looked inside. There were only two 1000-yen bills in it. She compared that with the fare chart. She couldn't even buy a one-way ticket. Miya let out a sigh.

(It's hopeless...)

If it was going to be like this, she regretted having bought the blouse. In her thoughts of getting on the train and going to Tokyo, she temporarily forgot that she had no clues as to where to look for her brother.

There was no helping it. From the place she could see on the platform, she watched the white body of the express train's cars intently. It looked like they were cleaning the inside of the cars. In the midst of the hustle and bustle, Miya thought absent-mindedly.

Her brother had probably ridden that train too.

It's not necessarily the case that people who played around at college and people who left school in the middle of the term to work would continue to meet.

(It's not like that, Madoka.)

Far from not seeing each other anymore, it seemed as though Yuzuru knew better than she did about Takaya these days. He was Takaya's close friend, but he hadn't told Miya anything. They were that kind of pair. It was impossible that Takaya wouldn't have known about Yuzuru's disappearance.

Even so, leaving without one word... what was with that?

Certainly Takaya knew something, and he wasn't telling her.

Why wasn't he telling her?

While she was in the middle of worrying, suddenly, a chill ran down her back.

(Instead of that he didn't tell me, it wasn't that he couldn't tell me...?)

Not just in Tokyo.

It couldn't be that he really wasn't in this world anymore, could it?

Miya's spine grew cold.

Narita Yuzuru's disappearance, the end of news from her brother...

What if they'd been caught up in some kind of incident...

What if Takaya was involved...

Even if that wasn't it, they were in a dangerous world. In places like Tokyo, it seemed like every day a murder happened and was broadcast on the news. Even Miya, busy with her part-time job, knew of the strange cases that enlivened the newspaper. Couldn't he have been murdered and not been able to go to Tokyo? Couldn't he have met with a traffic accident?

These things were not unthinkable.

Miya's face tensed.

(Brother...)

With timing that seemed to answer her uneasiness, someone called to Miya from the crowd. It was so accurate that when she was called, she felt something.

It was a voice she had memories of hearing, but it was calling her in an unfamiliar way. Thinking it was a friend, Miya turned her head. The figure of a companion she hadn't at all anticipated entered her field of vision.

It was so spontaneous she couldn't believe her eyes.

A tall-figured boy was standing there. White shirt and jeans, a handsome, egg-shaped face, and from behind black hair that hung over his eyes, black almond-shaped eyes were looking at her.

Miya looked up in astonishment. "Br..."

The noise of the crowd disappeared.

Black eyes looked at Miya and smiled.

(Brother....)

Takaya was there.

*

For a little while she couldn't believe it.

She didn't know what kind of thing was going on, and for several seconds, she flabbergastedly let her mouth hang open like an idiot. It was impossible for this person to be here. At first she'd thought it was someone else who looked a lot like him. But there had been no mistake. This face, it was impossible for there to be two of it in the world.

She looked at her brother, who returned her smile, and her mouth shook loose of its position as though it were melting. This was the real thing, she thought in that moment, and a voice like a child's came from her mouth. "Brother!" Her voice was so loud that the surrounding passengers looked back at her. "Brother, it's really you, brother! W-w-welcome! Welcome home!"

Miya had reverted to a grade-schooler. Because the people's eyes had jumped unhesitatingly to him as well, the one who was the most surprised was Takaya. Miya buried her face in her brother's chest, and even now she felt as though she were dancing. When she rubbed her cheek against him, she could feel the heat of Takaya's body through his cotton shirt. Warm.

"Did you arrive on that train just now? That's wonderful, wonderful. I must have telepathy. That you should get off that train, it's unbelievable. Me, I was just here by chance. Really!"

Takaya looked down at his little sister and lowered his eyebrows worriedly.

"I was worrying about you this whole time, you know. But, Brother, you never gave me a phone call...! I was so worried."

She was criticizing him, but her face wasn't getting angry. Miya jumped about happily. On looking at Takaya's face, all the worries she'd had up to now, everything, blew completely away in one breath.

"Never mind that. Never mind! It's enough having my brother back. I'm happy, so happy."

Because she was rejoicing too much, perhaps, the surrounding people were watching Miya and her brother with strange looks. But Miya continued to rejoice, unmindful of them. She took Takaya's arm. The nostalgic feeling of his muscles tensing made her happy, and so as not to be separated from him, she clung to him tightly.

"Brother, where's your luggage? I'll carry it for you."

Takaya shook his head from side to side. It seemed that he didn't have anything like luggage.

"I'm happy! I wonder if I should call Father. Today, we can eat dinner together."

Takaya's eyes were smiling.

Now Miya couldn't be any happier.

*

On the street in front of the station which hadn't gotten completely dark, bit by bit the cars going back and forth were beginning to put their lights on. A little while ago the street maintenance had been done, and it had become extremely pretty.

The reunited older brother and younger sister exited the station and, shoulder to shoulder, they began to walk.

"Brother, have you been eating properly? They say when you're alone you leave things out and start eating only the things you like. Have you been eating vegetables? Have you been eating without leaving the celery behind?"

Takaya was bothered by Miya's attack of questions. Miya, perhaps because she'd become sixteen now, had begun talking like an adult woman.

"What's wrong? Why haven't you answered me since you got here?"

Her brother pointed at his throat.

"Your voice isn't working? Is it a cold?"

Takaya nodded.

"How awful, and in this season. Surely you caught a cold because you haven't been getting proper nutrition. Today I'll make you food that's full of nutrients. Really, I thought that I'd do with leftovers, but if you're with me, I'll put in some effort. Is it okay if we drop by the supermarket? You can carry the stuff."

In the fresh foods corner of the shopping center in front of the station, Miya briefly collected ingredients. Even in the midst of her shopping, Miya was thinking so fantastically that she easily wasted an hour buying only five or six dishes.

"Tonight let's have the ginger pork you like. Ginger's good for your body, you know. They say that for colds it's the most effective. Should we have liver or something also?"

While she announced the information she learned in home economics to her brother, Miya planned the menu.

"Ah, if it's a cold you've got no choice but to have vitamin C, too. Since we've got condensed milk, let's go with strawberries. Brother, here's the line, so bring the basket quickly," Miya said abruptly in front of the register, and Takaya hurried to take it. "Brother, hurry, hurry!"

They just barely had enough to cover the bill. Miya was extremely happy. The package of strawberries that Takaya had carried, all of them were big and deep red and looked extremely sweet.

When they got outside the building, the neighborhood had already gotten dark.

On the way, they avoided a parked bicycle, and as they finished crossing the intersection at a quick pace, Takaya noticed a fast food sign before his eyes and stopped.

"What? Their hamburgers were good?" Miya asked. In a moment Takaya looked up at the second-floor seats, but before long lightly shook his head.

When he was in middle school, he had often hung out here with his older friends until closing time. That said, he was only there together with them because he couldn't find anyone's whereabouts on his own, and that alone had not been enough for them to open their hearts so much that they could have been called close. Because he only understood only half of the meanings of their topics, he almost never joined in their circle of conversation.

Those times, Takaya had gazed at the scenery outside the window.

Matsumoto Station, which he'd been able to see from that window... To him at that time, it had seemed as though there were only one way out.

"Up until just now I was with Madoka," Miya said from beside him. "She's listened to many of my problems. After that, I couldn't help but call her."

In the middle of the crowd of people, they reached the road home.

"What have you been doing up until now? I've been really worried. Even though you always called me once a month, these days it's been really sudden." Perhaps because of the sense of security she had since he was nearby, Miya's face in profile was calm. "No matter what you're busy with, you have to at least call me. Just one or two minutes is okay. Will you make me a promise? Say you'll call me properly."

While looking down, Takaya smiled.

"Or something. Because you've chosen to forget. But this time, I have a secret weapon."

Because Takaya made a dubious face, Miya got a little flustered and hid the blue paper bag behind her. Turning her eyes up, she said, "Later, okay?"

The street through the park was full of the figures of young people only on Saturday evenings. Groups of students from Shinshuu University were hanging out in front of bars, perhaps on group dates. A good number of people had formed a shape that occupied half the street. A brown-haired female student within that group suddenly glanced at them.

"Eh? Coming from over there..." It couldn't be Ougi-san, she muttered, just as the look in her eyes became strange. "What's up with that girl...?"

*

Miya, who had been talking with Takaya while walking, also spotted the form of that female student in the group of students.

"Ah! Kasuga-senpai!" The female student was an acquaintance of Miya's. She'd graduated this year and was a former participant in her club activities. Running a little, Miya rushed over to her. "I'm sorry I haven't talked to you for so long. It's been since the farewell party, hasn't it."

"Y...yes."

"Wow. It's like you've suddenly become a college student. Your hair, you've put color in it, haven't you? It looks really good on you."

"Ougi-san..."

"Oh yeah! I'll introduce you. This is my older brother."

Noticing the upperclassman's dubious look, Miya looked back over her shoulder. When she did, "Huh? Huh?"

Takaya's figure was not there.

"This is awful. Brother, where are you? Brother!"

Confusedly, Miya retraced her steps. Had he gone inside a store somewhere?

The female student looked at Miya, who was going to search for Takaya, and the look in her eyes became increasingly strange. A male student spoke from beside her.

"That girl just now, was she your junior? What was with her?"

"That was strange, you know... At first I thought she was talking on the phone or something, but..." Still more confused, the female student watched the departing Miya with a suspicious face. "I think she's gotten a neurosis, that girl. While walking alone, she was talking the whole time to thin air."

*

"Brother!" In a place like a back road, Miya finally found Takaya. Takaya was standing beneath a small, old-looking lamp. "What was that about, all of a sudden? I thought you'd disappeared, and I was surprised."

Takaya was looking at her apologetically.

(Ah. Possibly...)

Miya understood right away. Perhaps there had been an acquaintance of his in that group just now. Among Takaya's classmates, too, there had been a few people who had gone to the local school, Shinshuu University. If they'd seen him, she thought, that might have been a little awkward. Miya interpreted it that way.

As if saying "let's get out of here", Takaya started walking along the dark street. Miya didn't like the dark road, but because Takaya was there, she thought it would be okay and followed after him.

From the direction of the back road, walking, they came to the neighborhood of Matsumoto Castle. At night, the castle was lit up. The brightly illuminated castle of the night showed an appearance of a different flavor than that of the daytime, and it was very beautiful.

It couldn't really be called a shortcut, but Takaya seemed to want to approach the castle. It seemed that returning to Matsumoto worried him. While walking along the side of the moat, on the way he looked back at Miya.

As though he were saying "Are you tired of walking?"

Miya shook her head from side to side. When she did so her brother laughed a little, and started walking forward again. Like she had done in her childhood, Miya refused to be left behind and followed after him at a slight run.

Because the compass lengths were different, Miya lost focus and was soon left behind. Takaya was worried about her and looked behind him sometimes. That made Miya happy.

The white-shirted back was certainly the back Miya had always been chasing. Sometimes while she was on the verge of crying. Sometimes while she was being protected.

(Brother...)

Miya's chest, in truth, was full of things she wanted to ask. It was stuffed with things she wanted to ask any minute now.

Where he was living and what he was doing for a living now. Things about Yuzuru. Things about Takaya himself.

(But...)

But, what had already happened was enough for now. This wasn't something that needed to be rushed. Takaya was here. If he came back home, there would be plenty of time to talk.

Right now, Miya thought she wanted to continue walking after this back. Like she had as a child, if she could, thus walking forever.

May's night wind felt good.

Sometimes in Takaya's eyes when he turned around, there was a soft look.

(It would be good if we could be like this forever)

The little sister tagged along behind her older brother.

They came to the park near their house. There, what did Takaya think unexpectedly, as he sat down on a swing? Feeling nostalgic, Miya sat down next to him. "We used to swing on these a lot, didn't we? These swings. Low like this."

The swings were dyed deeply with memories. They weren't all good memories. When their father had caused trouble in the middle of the night, Takaya had felt like running away and brought Miya here. At that time, there had been no other place to be but here.

He'd put the crying Miya on the swing and, while comforting her, lifted his eyes to the night sky in puzzlement. The nearby drinking fountain was just right for cooling his bruised cheek. It was not out of sympathy for his own helplessness, irritatingly, nor because of the pain from being hit, but because of embarrassment that he cried.

"..."

Perhaps remembering the past, Takaya was being silent. Miya, who was staring at his profile, lightly began to swing.

"Whenever we swung here in the middle of the night, I felt like I was close to the stars."

Saying "Look at me!", Miya built up momentum. Takaya looked up.

These things won't change.

Back then, to the Miya who said the same thing, Takaya had spoken discouragingly.

"They will change."

Miya had said while flying along, "It's just a little thing, but. It's really just a little thing but, it's not a lie that they get closer. It's just a little thing, but it's real that they get closer."

Listening to Miya's words, Takaya looked up at the sky too. There were no stars there.

But as Miya said, even if they were at a distance where they couldn't see if the stars were there or not, it was still true that they got closer.

"If you stretch out your hand, the distance gets shorter," Miya said as she slowly stopped the swing. "So, me, every day I reach out my hand."

(Toward my brother)

Looking at Miya, Takaya narrowed his eyes faintly.

So that he could withstand the pain.

"Ah. It left a mark," Miya said, as her hand let go of the chain. The temperature of her hand having been transmitted to it, the pleasantly cool chain of the swing had become warm only in that spot. In holding the chain her hand had gotten rust-stained, and she complained about it.

Lifting his eyes to Miya, Takaya gazed at her kindly.

As though saying, "Shall we swing together?'

Miya smiled too. "But the chain—if something heavy gets on it will break."

Childish conversations made her happy.

Soon, because Miya stood and said she had to start preparing dinner, the two of them walked along the same road as always, back to their multi-unit apartment. Buildings like treasured matchboxes were lined up there. When he looked at them for the first time in a long while, the buildings appeared to be old and ugly.

"What's wrong?"

Because Takaya suddenly stopped short in front of the stairs of the apartment building, a surprised Miya turned around.

Takaya made no move to keep walking. It seemed that perhaps he was being resistant to entering the house.

(Oh. So it's like that)

Miya had let her imagination run wild and had read too much into this brother of hers. "If Father is the problem, it seems like he'll be coming home late tonight. First I'll make dinner, then let's eat it together. Okay?"

Takaya made no move to walk. Still silent, he planted his feet.

"I told you, it's going to be all right. Father was worried about you too, you know. He would be glad if you came back home, Brother. It might be awkward, but I would be there too, so it'll totally be okay."

Miya...

She heard Takaya's voice. But she couldn't hear that voice with her ears, she heard it as though it were a report from somewhere completely different. Takaya looked straight at her.

Suddenly, Miya began to feel uneasy. "What is it, Brother?"

Takaya once again sank into silence. And when he lifted his eyes once more, Takaya slowly walked in Miya's direction, meeting her halfway.

From in front of him, Miya looked up at Takaya. When she stood in front of him, Miya entered into his shadow. Carrying the light from the street lamp, Takaya's facial expression looked like it was faintly smiling or something. Takaya hid his eyes a little.

I didn't like this town very much.

And I cursed the incidents that happened in this town.

But now—

Takaya looked straight at Miya.

—I think I'm glad that I was born in this town.

"Why..."

Because it meant that I could meet all of you.

Miya was becoming more and more uneasy.

She didn't understand what reason Takaya would have to say such a thing. "What are you saying? Why?"

Looking pained, Takaya squinted.

"Why would you say those things? Why?"

Takaya couldn't answer.

In contrast to the pained look in his eyes, he informed her haltingly,

Please take care of Father.

"Brother...!" Surprised and wanting to confirm what Takaya said, Miya became unable to fire off her next words.

Because Takaya suddenly hugged her.

Miya's eyes opened wide. "Bro...the..."

As though to convey his warmth to her, Takaya hugged her tightly, and said close to her ear,

Good luck...

The wind blew.

Takaya's body, which had hugged her as though wrapping her up, quietly lost its substance.

The feel of his arms embracing her, his warmth, vanished; before long, everything had vanished like sand swept away by the wind.

He'd disappeared...

The supermarket bag fell from Miya's hand. The vegetables inside the bag tumbled to the ground.

With that sort of attitude in mind, Miya stood perfectly still.

Soon, tears were slipping from her eyes.

In front of the apartment building's stairs, Miya couldn't stir an inch, but simply stood there.

The night wind was blowing.

The wind that, until just a moment ago, Takaya's back had been blocking.

The streetlamp that had brought the illusion of her brother to the surface quietly illuminated the red strawberries that had fallen from the bag, the big and sweet-looking strawberries.